I had tried to access help through state services but was told that I did not meet their criteria. A the time, I found myself struggling to find treatment that could manage my dependence on Xanax for dealing with anxiety, alcohol and cocaine use.

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My wife found The OAD Clinic online. What appealed to me was the possibility of receiving personalised treatment that looked beyond the immediate problem and explored the underlying issues fuelling my substance use. I needed treatment for benzodiazepine dependence, but I also needed to understand why I had become so reliant on Xanax in the first place.

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My treatment at The OAD Clinic combined medical management with one-to-one therapy. The therapy sessions focused on the underlying anxiety and the thoughts and beliefs that were creating so much conflict inside me. We worked on coping strategies, interpersonal relationships, family dynamics, and the way I thought and felt about myself.

From a medication side, the key change in my treatment was changing from Xanax (alprazolam) to diazepam. I was reviewed frequently during this period and my dose reduction exercise was monitored very closely. Initially, I did not believe this would work. I was told that converting from Xanax to diazepam could help stabilise me and make it possible to gradually reduce my benzodiazepine dependence. I challenged this because I had been relying on Xanax for so long and couldn't see how changing benzos would make such a difference.

It took some time but surprisingly it worked. I noticed that my mood and temperament became much less exaggerated. As time went by, I no longer felt the need to take Xanax That was a significant change for me. I got a clearer head which let me confront my alcohol and cocaine use. At the time, I did not think I was addicted to coke. I minimised the problem. I believed that my alcohol and cocaine use were under control, but the clinical team mentioned that becoming more stable after stopping Xanax could potentially increase my alcohol or cocaine use. Looking back, I understand that point much better.

As part of my ongoing treatment, I began taking disulfiram as an aversive treatment for alcohol use and as an off-label anti-craving strategy for cocaine use. The important thing for me was that treatment did not focus on just one addiction. It addressed the wider picture of benzodiazepine dependence, anxiety, alcohol and cocaine use, as well as the thoughts, behaviours and relationships which led me to use.

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The life changing moment during treatment was when I stopped taking Xanax. It gave me the mental clarity to think about my life rather than constantly managing the effects of medication and substance use. For someone who had relied on illicit Xanax every day for around ten years, reaching that point was really a major change. It also helped me recognise that recovery wasn't simply about stopping a drug. I needed to develop better ways of dealing with anxiety, and be very vigilant about cocaine cravings.

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My own treatment journey is ongoing. This is not something I see as a short-term intervention or a quick fix. For me, recovery is a long-term process that needs continued alertness and structure. Sometimes, the cocaine cravings resurface, but now I feel like I have what it takes to overcome them: my relationship with my wife has also improved because of this. I recognise the impact my substance use had on her and on my children, and I am working to rebuild those relationships. Treatment cannot undo everything that happened while I was using Xanax, alcohol and cocaine, but thanks to treatment I now have the mental strength and clarity to overcome cravings. I have also learned that recovery involves accepting responsibility for the effect your behaviour has had on other people.

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To me, recovery means creating better structure around my day. It means being humble, and recognising that I had a cocaine, alcohol and xanax addiction and this has upset people. I have had to accept that rebuilding relationships takes time and that I cannot expect other people to recover from the consequences of my past behaviour. Crucially, I have maintained abstinence from alcohol and cocaine while continuing with long-term treatment and support to regain my family's trust.

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If you are struggling with benzodiazepine dependence, Xanax addiction, alcohol use, cocaine use or anxiety, I would say that stepping back, listening to those around you and accepting there is a problem is crucial to getting help. I didn't initially believe that changing from Xanax to diazepam would make the difference I was told it could. I was wrong. 

The important thing was having treatment that looked at the whole picture rather than treating my benzo addiction alone. For me, recovery has involved medical treatment, therapy, greater structure and accepting responsibility for the effect my behaviour has had on the people around me. The treatment was spontaneous and adapted to my differing states all the time. One week I felt I had a clear head, the next I used cocaine and benzos, the next I got back on track with therapy and meds. The OAD Clinic is a relatively small, boutique clinic and treatments are highly individualised. I could call any time and the team was always there to help. They remembered my name, that I had called the day before, and what had happened. I felt like I was being treated by a loving family member. You don't have to solve everything at once. But getting the right professional support can be the beginning of making meaningful changes."

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Ramesh Singh, Patient

This account is published with the patient's consent; identifying details have been changed.

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